Love, is it really the same for you and I?‎

Today, with modern technology, scientists have shown that the same feeling does not necessarily trigger the same synapses in our brain. For example fear will be experienced differently in people depending on how and where it is felt, in what context and what it triggers as response in the person experiencing it. This might seem obvious but still, why do we keep thinking that people that are supposed to experience the same emotion as us should also act and understand it like us?

demi moore and love

I guess the best example for this is with one of the strongest emotion, Love, so many times we hear a lovers quarrel where she is saying that he doesn´t love her (or vice versa). What they are really trying to say is that it doesn´t seem that they experience the emotion of love the same way. Thus, the logical conclusion is that if there is no actions a, b, and c as they do while they are in love, then that emotion doesn´t exist.

Thought, as we are just about to describe, the different in many of the cases (supposing love do exists in both) is in the personal intimate experience of the emotion, and later, the way it is being demonstrated. Different theorists have confronted this subject in different fronts, Patrick Colm Hogan from the interaction with literature, Scott Peck when it comes to Love as volitional and human interaction.

In a biological perspective, emotional reaction is a complex system of interconnection of regions activated in our brain usually with a repercussion that follows in our body.

When you ask someone why did she fall in love with her partner, the answer usually be of a spiritual nature or simply “I don´t know, I just did”. There is of course a more specific answer that can bring us closer to what really occurred in those decisive moments of falling in love. Some of it can be a chemical and visual reaction that triggered a set of chain of events relating different parts of synapses while evoking warm memories (probably the most important part is the DLPF, dorsolateral prefrontal). One memory, if we take an example with Freudian relation, is an image of how a girl remembers some gentle males in her family from younger age (which is why sometimes there is a resemblance between her partner to an uncle or her father in their younger age, and even to prior partners). The perceptual moment (or moments) of the encounter addresses many somatosensory modes as the visual and olfactory. Of course, this is only a small fragment of what we know with today’s science but it gets us some steps closer to understanding how we function.

True enough, in most cases, when you start discussing emotions in a more pragmatic, quasi-material manner, some thinks it dissipates the charm, mystery and awe. Yet to this I might respond that in many cases, such as with emotions, I believe that the awe and amazement toward nature only duplicate hundred times fold, for the understanding of this fracture in the system opens doors to new horizons and it´s magnificence only grows. Also, understanding of it helps us deal with some of the difficulties we can have with it (traumas, unexplained fears, phobias, repetitive problems in the relationship and many others).

Why then should we disregard such an amazing opportunity to know ourselves better?


«You just wait there, like a predator, feeling it in your guts swirling like an earthquake in the middle of the ocean. You let it rise from your belly until it hits a wall of millions of tones of water and explode inside of them, letting the atoms collide in one another in a hideous speed. And then the waves rise from the bottom of the sea, make their way upward to touch the sky, the want to reach higher, conquer the earth that enclose them into the paradigm they lean on for millenniums.» (anonymous)


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