Love

Weekly choice, by peers

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Never give up, Harvard Business Review

“I’ve always repeated the mantra “never, never, never, never give up.” These words of Winston Churchill’s have rallied me for years; they are a core tenet of our family motto, and hang, framed, on the wall just inside the front door of our home. But I’ve started to wonder if not giving up is sufficient.  (…)Dreaming is at the heart of disruption.  Whether we want to disrupt an industry or our personal status quo, in order to make that terrifying leap from one learning curve to the next, we must dream.  The good news is that the causal mechanism for achieving our dreams is always, always, always showing up:  and as we show up, our future will too.”

http://blogs.hbr.org/2013/10/always-always-always-show-up/

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R (Relationship) related

Spooning

“His love for himself is so strong he does not need to gain the acceptance of others by trying to be something he is not. His strength is not physical so much as it is in the clarity of his mind and emotions. These are character strengths that a woman not only admires, but feels safe with. (…)When a man is distant emotionally or physically from her it may bring up feelings of loneliness, or fear of a break up. Seeking this type of emotional safety can lead to emotional drama.(…) By discouraging him to do other things she is increasing their time together. It is possible the man ends up feeling guilty for having done the “wrong” thing that caused her to be upset. (…)A woman can choose to wait for a man with the character and integrity that she respects and wants. But as she waits she should prepare herself as well. Being with a man of integrity will not be like being with other men. He will be seeking a partner that will treat him with the same level of unconditional love with which he treats himself. If she brings her judgments, fears, and emotional reactions to the relationship, he may decide that he would rather be with someone else.”

http://www.pathwaytohappiness.com/relationship_safety.htm

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Embracing uncertainty

“We talked a lot about embracing uncertainty, especially because all of us were surrounded by doubt and fear as graduation loomed closer and our futures were seemingly blank. I learned not to interpret the future as empty, but as open, full of possibilities, full of opportunities waiting for me to be the key player. We often interpret the unknown as bad or scary, but it is all in the viewer’s perception. Just as you can choose to see the glass half full instead of empty, so can you choose to view the future as brimming with possibilities instead of emptiness.”

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/embracing-uncertainty-the-future-is-open-not-empty/

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TED’s best for the week:

How do we learn to embrace our vulnerabilities and imperfections so that we can engage in our lives from a place of authenticity and worthiness? How do we cultivate the courage, compassion, and connection that we need to recognize that we are enough – that we are worthy of love, belonging, and joy?

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

“Vulnerability pushed, I pushed back. I lost the fight, but probably won my life back.”

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Book of the week!

Thomas Mann, The Magic Mountain
Thomas Mann, The Magic Mountain

Thomas Mann – The Magic Mountain

While combining opposed principles: intellect and sensibility, spirit and nature, intrinsic and extrinsic, the main character of this novel succeeds to gain important cognition about the essence of life. “Death is just a moment in life and nothing more” says Hans Castorp paradoxically, in a near death experience. Thus, spiritual education, abundance of mythological allusions and ironical inversions accompany this masterpiece of realistic yet grotesque narration. As we see in the selected quotes below:

“Passionate—that means to live for the sake of living. But one knows that you all live for sake of experience. Passion, that is self-forgetfulness. But what you all want is self-enrichment.”

“Who then was the orthodox, who the freethinker? Where lay the true position, the true state of man? Should he descend into the all-consuming all-equalizing chaos, that ascetic-libertine state; or should he take his stand on the “Critical-Subjective,” where empty bombast and a bourgeois strictness of morals contradicted each other? Ah, the principles and points of view constantly did that; it became so hard for Hans Castorp’s civilian responsibility to distinguish between opposed positions, or even to keep the premises apart from each other and clear in his mind, that the temptation grew well-nigh irresistible to plunge head foremost into Naphtha’s “morally chaotic All.”

Here’s a short clip, part of a movie that was made based on the book (from 1982):

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xjhjp7_hans-castorp-s-dream-in-thomas-mann-s-the-magic-mountain-1982-film_shortfilms

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Person of the week!

Canadian author Alice Munro holds one of
The Canadian Alice Munro, wizard of short stories, Nobel Prize Laureate 2013!

“In twenty years I’ve never had a day when I didn’t have to think about someone else’s needs. And this means the writing has to be fitted around it.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlsF_ZLpNHY

“Always remember that when a man goes out of the room, he leaves everything in it behind… When a woman goes out she carries everything that happened in the room along with her.”

Alice Munro, Too Much Happiness

Love, is it really the same for you and I?‎

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Today, with modern technology, scientists have shown that the same feeling does not necessarily trigger the same synapses in our brain. For example fear will be experienced differently in people depending on how and where it is felt, in what context and what it triggers as response in the person experiencing it. This might seem obvious but still, why do we keep thinking that people that are supposed to experience the same emotion as us should also act and understand it like us?

demi moore and love

I guess the best example for this is with one of the strongest emotion, Love, so many times we hear a lovers quarrel where she is saying that he doesn´t love her (or vice versa). What they are really trying to say is that it doesn´t seem that they experience the emotion of love the same way. Thus, the logical conclusion is that if there is no actions a, b, and c as they do while they are in love, then that emotion doesn´t exist.

Thought, as we are just about to describe, the different in many of the cases (supposing love do exists in both) is in the personal intimate experience of the emotion, and later, the way it is being demonstrated. Different theorists have confronted this subject in different fronts, Patrick Colm Hogan from the interaction with literature, Scott Peck when it comes to Love as volitional and human interaction.

In a biological perspective, emotional reaction is a complex system of interconnection of regions activated in our brain usually with a repercussion that follows in our body.

When you ask someone why did she fall in love with her partner, the answer usually be of a spiritual nature or simply “I don´t know, I just did”. There is of course a more specific answer that can bring us closer to what really occurred in those decisive moments of falling in love. Some of it can be a chemical and visual reaction that triggered a set of chain of events relating different parts of synapses while evoking warm memories (probably the most important part is the DLPF, dorsolateral prefrontal). One memory, if we take an example with Freudian relation, is an image of how a girl remembers some gentle males in her family from younger age (which is why sometimes there is a resemblance between her partner to an uncle or her father in their younger age, and even to prior partners). The perceptual moment (or moments) of the encounter addresses many somatosensory modes as the visual and olfactory. Of course, this is only a small fragment of what we know with today’s science but it gets us some steps closer to understanding how we function.

True enough, in most cases, when you start discussing emotions in a more pragmatic, quasi-material manner, some thinks it dissipates the charm, mystery and awe. Yet to this I might respond that in many cases, such as with emotions, I believe that the awe and amazement toward nature only duplicate hundred times fold, for the understanding of this fracture in the system opens doors to new horizons and it´s magnificence only grows. Also, understanding of it helps us deal with some of the difficulties we can have with it (traumas, unexplained fears, phobias, repetitive problems in the relationship and many others).

Why then should we disregard such an amazing opportunity to know ourselves better?

love-inspirational-daily

«You just wait there, like a predator, feeling it in your guts swirling like an earthquake in the middle of the ocean. You let it rise from your belly until it hits a wall of millions of tones of water and explode inside of them, letting the atoms collide in one another in a hideous speed. And then the waves rise from the bottom of the sea, make their way upward to touch the sky, the want to reach higher, conquer the earth that enclose them into the paradigm they lean on for millenniums.» (anonymous)